Vocabulary
The ColdPlayed Effect Terminology
Accountability
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
The obligation of an individual or organization to account for its activities and accept responsibility.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
A tool used by management to punish junior staff when a senior leader makes a mistake.
Agile
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
Characterized by the ability to move quickly and easily.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
The expectation that you will be able to perform your job with fewer resources and a shorter deadline.
Alignment
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
The state of being in a correct or appropriate relative position.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
The illusion that all teams are working toward the same goal, usually broken by the end of the day.
Authenticity
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
The quality of being true to oneself and one’s values.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
The act of pretending to be yourself in a way that aligns with the company’s brand values.
Table That
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
A phrase used to politely postpone a discussion.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
A phrase used to politely tell someone you are never going to discuss their idea again.
Thought Leadership
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
Influential ideas or insights from an expert in a field.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
Whatever the CEO posted on LinkUp this morning that is so vague it can’t be challenged.
Synergy
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
The interaction or cooperation of two or more organizations, substances, or other agents to produce a combined effect greater than the sum of their separate effects.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
A meaningless word used to justify a meeting that could have been an email.
Stakeholders
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
A person with an interest or concern in a company or project.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
A group of people who are not involved in the project but will complain about it later.
LOW-HANGING FRUIT
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
An easily achievable task that provides immediate value.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
A task that’s so beneath your pay grade that you’re going to give it to an intern.
QUICK WINS
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
Small victories that build momentum.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
Easy accomplishments that boost team morale and demonstrate progress quickly.
STRATEGIC PRIORITY
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
High-impact initiatives aligned with goals.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
Critical tasks that drive significant value and align with long-term objectives.
Ideation
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
The formation of ideas or concepts.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
A meeting where no good ideas are shared, but everyone is paid to be there.
Vertical
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
An industry or a market that your company wants to dominate.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
An industry or a market that your company wants to dominate, but has no actual expertise in.
Visionary
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
A person who has a lot of big ideas but no practical way to implement them.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
A CEO who has a lot of big ideas but no practical way to implement them.
We’re All Family Here
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
A phrase used to foster a sense of community and teamwork.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
A phrase used to guilt you into working extra hours without pay.
Value-Add
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
A task that provides real benefit to a company or a project
The Real, Satirical Meaning
A task that you do to make yourself look important, but provides no real benefit to the company.
Critical Thinking
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
The objective analysis and evaluation of an issue to form a judgment.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
The process of agreeing with whatever your boss says.
Circle Back
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
To revisit a topic or a discussion at a later time.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
To politely tell someone someone you are never going to deal with their issue.
Core Competency
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
An organization’s fundamental strength.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
The one thing your company is good at, which it will constantly brag about while ignoring everything else it’s bad at.
Deep Dive
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
To explore a topic in great depth.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
To spend an excessive amount of time and resources discussing a minor problem.
Bandwidth
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
The transmission capacity of a network connection or system.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
The time or capacity you don’t have to take on an extra task.
Boil the Ocean
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
To attempt a task that is too large or too ambitious to ever be completed
The Real, Satirical Meaning
To spend an excessive amount of time and resources on a minor problem.
Buy-in
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
Agreement to a proposed course of action.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
The polite term for a meeting where management tells you what you’re doing, and you’re not allowed to disagree.
Disruption
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
A radical change to an existing industry or business model.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
Whatever our CEO did last night that got us in trouble.
Empower
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
To give someone the authority or means to do something.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
To delegate a task without providing the necessary resources to complete it.
Engagement
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
The state of being involved or interested in something.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
The number of times you have to pretend to be excited about a company-wide email.
Fast Follower
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
A company that quickly copies a successful innovation from another company.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
A company that copies another company’s successful idea and claims it as its own.
Holistic
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
Characterized by the belief that the parts of something are interconnected.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
A word used to describe a new corporate wellness initiative that costs thousands but still won’t give you a raise.
Innovation
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
The process of creating and implementing new ideas, methods, or products.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
The process of rebranding an old idea as a new, groundbreaking one.
In the Loop
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
Aware of and involved in something.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
The state of being copied on an email chain that has nothing to do with you.
KPIs (Key Performance Indicators)
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
A set of quantifiable measures used to gauge a company’s performance.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
A series of vague metrics used to justify management’s bonuses.
Leverage
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
To use a resource to the maximum advantage.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
To make your subordinates do the majority of your work for you.
Moving Forward
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
A phrase used to signal a change in direction.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
A phrase used to signal that the previous discussion is over and you should not bring it up again.
Ping
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
To send a message to a coworker to remind them of something you should have done yourself.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
To send a message to a coworker to remind them of something you should have done yourself.
Pivot
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
To change a strategic direction in response to new information.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
To admit a failed idea was a “learning experience” and move on before anyone can blame you for it.
Run It Up the Flagpole
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
To present an idea to a group of people for their feedback.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
To present a half-baked idea to your manager and hope they don’t notice it’s terrible.
Scalable
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
An idea that can be expanded to a ridiculous size without any real thought..
The Real, Satirical Meaning
An idea that can be expanded to a ridiculous size without any real thought.
Touch Base
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
To schedule a brief, pointless meeting to talk about a topic that could have been an email.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
To schedule a brief, pointless meeting to talk about a topic that could have been an email.
Silo
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
A department that operates in isolation from other parts of the organization.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
A department that has a very important secret that it refuses to share with anyone else.
Transparency
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
The quality of being open and honest.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
The act of selectively sharing information to create the illusion of honesty.
Whitespace
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
An untapped market or opportunity.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
An untapped market or opportunity that doesn’t actually exist.
Win-Win
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
An outcome where both parties benefit.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
An outcome where you do all the work and your boss gets all the credit.
Work-Life Balance
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
A state of equilibrium between personal life and career demands, essential for well-being.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
An illusion that is preached from the top but is never meant to be achieved in a toxic corporate environment.
Zero-Sum
coldplayseffect.com
Official Corporate Meaning
A situation in which whatever is gained by one party is lost by the other.
The Real, Satirical Meaning
A perfect description of corporate life.